Hello, darlings. You may have noticed things have been a bit quiet around here lately, and that’s because I’ve been busy with a few other creative endeavors. But worry not, GH is not dead… I’m just going to start emphasizing quality over quantity. I expect there will be at least a post a week, and perhaps more, though not necessarily on regular days. If you’d like to be informed of updates, you have a couple options:
1. Follow me on Twitter. (I promise I tweet other things besides spamming posts.)
2. Hit the cute little RSS text located at the bottom of the right frame, or just type in gameharlot.com in your friendly google reader.
3. If you really want the star treatment, e-mail me (the harlot at game harlot dot com) and I will hand deliver update info to your mailbox. Who loves you, baby?
In which The Harlot contemplates throwing her 360 through a wall:
A Cautionary Tale:
So, I bit the bullet and bought myself a shiny pre-paid Gold account, excited about playing online with the big kids. Turns out that the Windows Live account that I had associated with my gamertag had “gone dormant” (read: bitchslapped off the face of the internet), rendering my gamertag completely useless for online play. Microsoft Customer Support’s best solution was, and I quote: “Make a new gamertag.”
Bonus hilarity: it’s a known issue, but as of today (and 2.5 hours spent on the phone trying to get ahold of someone who knew what the fuck), it is still unresolved. Be careful, kids.
My youtube movie debut: you knew it was going to have something to do with zombies.
I’m the blonde at 1:15 who runs up the stairs and then promptly gets pushed down (by the director, no less) and presumably eaten by robot zombies. The most entertaining part of the shoot was accidentally scaring the crap out of some poor homeless man; you would think the fact that we were all standing around (laughing and smoking) next to a guy lying in a pool of his own blood would have tipped him off that it wasn’t real.
I have a confession to make: prior to yesterday, had a friendly game of “I Never” been proposed, I would have said “I’ve never played a single Final Fantasy game,” and the HarlotPosse would end up trashed. Behold, my geek shame.
But that has all changed, since I decided to fire up my PS3’s retro compatibility and give FFVII a spin. (Bonus comedy: due to an impatient streak a mile wide, I have played very few traditional turn-based RPGs; brave new world!)
5:30: Ooh, pixels! How quaint!
5:31: Bahaha, sprite Cloud. “I’m Popeye the sailor man...”
5:32: Oh, I can’t use the D-pad to move… and I have to hold down a button to run. Delightful.
5:35: Yay, let’s fight! ...what do you mean, I have to wait my turn?
5:45: Apparently, pushing a button on the elevator causes a large black man to appear out of your ass and scold you. Ah, technology.
5:50: Take it, giant mechanical scorpion.
6:01: The reactor’s gonna blow! GET TO DE CHOPPA!
6:03: Ladders + forced perspective = suck. Huh, Jessie’s still standing on the walkway… every man for himself, biotch!
6:06: Guys, I know you’re evil henchmen and all, but can we maybe take this fight outside?
6:07: Seriously, leave me alone!
6:08: Quit spinning your Sword of Overcompensation in victory, Cloud! Less animations, more GTFO.
6:09: Cloud: “Hey, I made it. Open the damn door.” Other dude: “Jessie’s still inside!” [Harlot: “WHAT? That bitch told me how to climb ladders and she can’t do it herself?!"]
6:09: Oh yes, please jump me when I had one foot on the ladder and we’re all about to die anyway, evil henchmen. Really going for that promotion, huh?
6:09:58: Cloud: “Jessie, you stupid whor...” Reactor: “PWNED!”
6:10: [CINEMATIC: Reactor asplode. Single poetic tear trickles down The Harlot’s cheek, followed by a heavy bout of cursing not befitting a lady, followed by more and worse after she discovers that her save game did not work, followed by a trip to the fridge for a beer and a run upstairs into the comforting arms of Warhammer Online for the rest of the evening.]
FIN
Sore loser? Yes. Fail at game? Yeah, pretty much. But I’m definitely intrigued enough by the novelty that I’ll be back for round two, now with bonus “talking to everything I come across that looks like it might be half-sentient.”
Before dashing off to imbibe bubbly beverages and HarlotSmooch people when the clock strikes 12, I thought I’d get down a few geeky New Year’s resolutions:
I resolve to spend more time on all the fascinating console games out there and less time on the temptress that is MMOs, give RTS games another shot, and learn to code beyond HTML.
Feel free to add your own resolutions (or other good geek life skills everyone should have) in the comments, and I wish you all a very happy 2009!
Wonderful friends and family, four day weekends to catch up on my gaming, Shiner Bock beer, zombie movies that are so bad they’re excellent, and this blog, both as a creative outlet and all the rockin’ people I’ve met through working on it.