So, geek is officially cool now, as evidenced by this video from the “Society for Geek Advancement” entitled simply “I am a Geek”:
But, lest we forget, we must all be socially approved geeks. We will all use Twitter (soo subversive and counter-culture) and talk about it a lot, since that will make us edgy and tech savvy. We will wear stylish glasses in an ironic fashion, and also ironically appreciate the nostalgic humor personified by the appearance of MC Hammer (an obvious pillar of geek culture) in this video. Also, we shall throw around a few words about coding in order to really up our cred and make us seem cool and mysterious with our “new language,” but we swear never to do anything as lame as actually play D&D, because that would be… geeky.
Uh huh.
While this… project… thing seems to be benefiting a charity, it comes across as a trying-too-hard social media commercial. (They use the term “social capital” in their About section, for fuck’s sake.) Even Wil Wheaton came out and said he regretted doing it!
“I was under the impression that this video would feature actual geeks who are important to our culture, like Woz, Felicia Day, Leo Laporte, and Jonathan Coulton. Instead, I saw a lot of entrepreneurs who have good marketing instincts, joined by a bunch of celebrities who are attempting to co-opt our culture because it’s what their publicity team is telling them to do.
When you’re speaking to people who read TMZ and People magazine, getting contributions from MC Hammer, Ashton Kutcher and Shaq is a logical choice. But when you’re speaking to geeks, it’s insulting to us to pretend that they are part of and speak for our culture. Those people are not geeks; they’re celebrities who happen to use Twitter.”
He also comes out in huge nerdy support of D&D, which is utterly charming; the whole post is basically an excellently written “this was not what I signed up for” damage control piece.
I really have no problem with social media, nor the people who can do amazing things with it to their advantage. But let’s call it what it is and leave the pretending to the LARPers.
Confession: I was indeed a band nerd in high school. In fact, I was so nerdy I was Drumline Captain for two years, which is why I did a double-take upon seeing this video:
So close to awesome. But… having a guy pretend to be Mega Man by running back and forth for a majority of the show? Really? Let’s leave the interpretive dance to the cheerleaders, kids.
Whether or not we like to admit it, I think everyone has looked at a video game character and said, “damn, they’re pretty hot.” It makes perfect sense when you think about it; for the most part characters are designed to appeal, from the prettily androgynous Final Fantasy cast to the rugged good looks of the Gears of War boys.
A new article in The Escapist sheds a rather freaky light on a new object of girl gamers’ affections: Pyramid Head.
Yes, that one. Silent Hill. Those muscular arms, that giant sword (ooh la la), that charming little quirk of ripping the skins off his victims.
From the article, in which girls have created a facebook group dedicated to their metal-masked Romeo:
“Katrina, 21, who shares her Pyramid Head fanfiction with the group, has also written Harry Potter fanfiction and novellas but feels that with Pyramid Head she can be more perverse and explore the darker areas of human sexuality and fear. ‘I find his unrelenting sociopath nature and the fact that he is not governed by any moral or social obligations dangerously sexy,’ she explains.
‘The sheer brute force and brutality he displays is the same thing that drives good girls to like bad guys,” adds Katrina. ‘The hope or fantasy that should you come upon him in reality you could be the one that he does not hurt or rape, that you could ‘tame the savage beast.’ It’s a pleasant fantasy.”
Strangely, this also makes perfect sense. A video game character is an extremely “safe” crush, since there’s no possibility of rejection. People are universally attracted to power, especially from a character that is essentially a blank slate with a somewhat sympathetic side (Wikipedia states that Pyramid Head’s helmet “was reportedly designed to appear painful to wear, suggesting that it serves as some kind of punishment"); all the better to project on, my dear. The idea that a good girl can change a bad boy is a prevalent cliche, as any romantic comedy or women’s magazine will have you believe.
“During times of stress, danger, fear, and pain adrenaline is produced. Adrenaline is made up of two hormones, epinephrine and nor-epinephrine. There are also neurotransmitters that send information and sensation through the brain quickly. The chemicals increase metabolism rate and blood pressure. The result can be a feeling of increased energy, euphoria, excitement, and a need to climax in relief in some way by escaping the pain or danger. The production of adrenaline during sexual arousal contributes to its enjoyable nature.”
So, I guess I can understand where the affection comes from; I just don’t think I’ll be dredging the internet for Pyramid Head porn any time soon, even in the spirit of journalism. (I know you’re all terribly disappointed.)
In which The Harlot contemplates throwing her 360 through a wall:
A Cautionary Tale:
So, I bit the bullet and bought myself a shiny pre-paid Gold account, excited about playing online with the big kids. Turns out that the Windows Live account that I had associated with my gamertag had “gone dormant” (read: bitchslapped off the face of the internet), rendering my gamertag completely useless for online play. Microsoft Customer Support’s best solution was, and I quote: “Make a new gamertag.”
Bonus hilarity: it’s a known issue, but as of today (and 2.5 hours spent on the phone trying to get ahold of someone who knew what the fuck), it is still unresolved. Be careful, kids.
I wasn’t going to write about the dramasplosion going down about the creepy Japanese rape simulation game, Rapelay, but then Fish threw me the gauntlet and I’m feeling up for a challenge.
New York City Council Speaker Christine Quinn found out about the game and called for it to be banned in the US. (For the record, it’s not sold in stores and has been yanked from retailers like Amazon, but of course that won’t deter people who really want to play it from getting their hands on a copy.)
The Japanese government has never placed restrictions on eroge themes, though they are subject to censorship laws. The absurd result: games in which violent sex scenes feature genitalia that’s tastefully obscured. When resourceful software pirates funnel eroge to Western audiences, they can implement hacks that remove the mosaics—which means the version of RapeLay that I saw is actually more graphic than the Japanese intended. Nevertheless, RapeLay can actually be called tame compared with its more extreme peers. It’s almost insultingly nonviolent for a game ostensibly about a brutal act. The idea of a “rape simulator” is repellent—what’s worse is that the game trivializes the reality of rape.”
Rape is a horrifying crime, and I can say I got a little nauseated just reading the description of the gameplay in the article, so at first I thought I would have no problem at all if this game got banned (even only as a symbolic gesture).
And then I recalled how I have no problem mowing down 10 people in a gory FPS, and how the conservative anti-gaming groups claim that makes me a psychopath. As a matter of fact, ever since the recent school shooting in Germany by a kid who (of course) “enjoyed violent video games”, authorities in Europe are calling for a ban on violent games altogether.
While I can’t say I can support a rape sim, banning games is a slippery slope; as mentioned, the internet renders any ban pretty much ineffectual, and you run the risk of people imposing their personal beliefs on the gaming community. Food for thought.
One really does pity female video game characters. They’re minding their own business, asskicking or solving puzzles or providing a simpering shoulder for the main character to angst on, and then, BAM. Someone, somewhere, turns them into porn. (The more horrifying aspect of rule 34 is that it applies not only to attractive characters but pretty much anything with a high pitched voice and anything remotely resembling boobs… or not.) One of the more high-profile ladies to get the inadvertent celeb sex tape treatment recently is none other than sweet Zoey from Left 4 Dead, starring in “Left 4 Head.”
According to this little review from The Escapist, not only do dead boys not say no, they’re downright… persistent:
“But while exploring an abandoned house, instead of finding her fellow survivors she stumbles upon a hidden Smoker. Except that’s not his tongue, it’s his 30-foot long, prehensile undead wang and it’s Zoey’s turn to do some smoking!
She’s able to pull out her pistol and blow away the zombie but a few moments later another one catches her by surprise and to her apparent (although not particularly enthusiastic) consternation, the pistol is lost but the blowing continues. The remaining seven minutes of the video manages to be simultaneously disturbing, hilarious and oddly riveting, so to speak.”
If you’re gunning to get your borderline necrophilia fix… you’re on your own with that one. However, consider this substitute: a (safe for work) music video featuring some hot “attempting to be sexy while pretending to be choked by undead wang” action. Yowza.
Ever wondered where mainstream media outlets get their pictures of people (posed awkwardly with an outdated game controller) to go with their articles about us “wacky gamers”?
Thanks to the folks at The Minus World, now you know!
(Also, according to page two, you can plug what appears to be a PS2 controller somewhere into a Mac and it will allow you to pwn your buddies! TECHNOLOGY!)
Banner ads are not spooky enough for the marketing team of FEAR 2: they’re taking a page from memeland and unleashing brand-name black cats on an unsuspecting London. (The article mentions that they’re “specially trained,” which means I’m sure they’ll be monitored and protected, so no worries, kitty lovers.)
Bonus: if you’re tired of life, you can order one of the t-shirts for your own feline friend!
(On a side note, he suggests the ban be applied to games that contain “the commission of a violent crime, suicide, sodomy, rape, incest, bestiality, or sado-masochism...”; Kolb, what kind of sick games have you been playing?!)
I was intrigued at this week’s Feature on Kotaku, entitled ”How to Throw a Gamer Party.” Hey, I like gamers! And parties, too!
..and then I got to reading it and thought, this HAS to be satire. It’s full of awkward advice and condescending “hints” that make me think either the author hangs out with a bunch of mouth-breathers who happen to play video games, or believes all gamers are of the mouth-breathing variety. Don’t believe me? Have some quotes:
Do: Pick a single-player game if 1) you’re willing to pass the controller and 2) can put up with backseat gaming from your guests.
Not if you have more than three people present, and not if you intend to play for more than 10 minutes, no matter how entertaining you think it is. It’s ok if it’s a lull in the overall action and people react favorably to “watch me kick the shit out of Sephiroth in Kingdom Hearts!”, it’s not ok if it’s your excuse to play your new JRPG by yourself.
“Morning of – Clean both the bathroom and the space you’re using for the party. That means restocking toilet paper and (gasp!) vacuuming carpets. This seems like common sense, but I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve gone to a party and had to clean off a couch before I could sit down. Or worse – got a gummy bear stuck to my sock because somebody hadn’t cleaned the floor.”
This IS common sense, the people you hang out with are disgusting.
Don’t: Put food on consoles.
But I like my 360 to crunch when it starts up!
“Keep the Drinks Coming – You should have fun at your own party, but as the host your first concern is your guests. If you notice someone with an empty can or cup, offer to get them a refill.”
Um, no. I am your hostess, not your maid. Upon arrival, I will greet you with enthusiasm, drag you into the kitchen and make you your first drink, thus enabling you to supply yourself with booze for the rest of the evening. It’s not rude, it’s efficient.
You’ll have to read the full article to get the general scope of it, but I suppose if you showed it to someone who had never had a party before… oh, who am I kidding, they would laugh their ass off too.
There’s being proud to be a geek, and then there’s this guy, who recently posted a craigslist ad detailing his… interesting idea:
“Man Seeking Women for Metal Gear Solid Roleplay:
I am a 27 year old professional gamer looking for a few women to help fulfill a life long fantasy.
You must be willing and ready to play the roles of at least Naomi, Mei Ling, and Meryl…
...I will of course be playing the role of Solid Snake, equipped with a VERY solid, and robust snake. If you catch my drift....
...Imagine me, crawling around the floor, hiding under the bed, ready to pounce into one of your...”
ALLRIGHTIE, that’s enough of that. Better hurry while the getting’s good, ladies!
Because I am in no state to be blogging about anything intelligent (the doctor said, and I quote, “we’ll get you some happy drugs"), all I can say is, check out this awesome link. (Totally work-safe.)